Johannesburg, Dec 21 : Indian spinner Ravichandran Ashwin had contemplated giving up the sport at various points between 2018 and 2020 as he felt people were not “sensitive enough” to his injuries, even as his knee pain went from bad to worse.
Ashwin, who is currently on the tour of South Africa for a three-Test series, has said that between 2017 and 2019, he first got struck by an injury called patellar tendonitis, which made even walking “excruciatingly painful”, and with the pain never really going away, he even contemplated retirement.
“Between 2018 and 2020, I contemplated giving up the sport at various points.I thought, ‘I have put in a lot of effort, but it is not coming through.
The harder I tried, the farther it felt’.Especially with athletic pubalgia and the patellar tendonitis – I used to bowl six balls and then I used to be gasping for breath,” Ashwin told ESPNcricinfo on Tuesday.
“And there would be pain all over the place.So you needed to make adjustments.
When the knee pain got excruciating, the next ball I would probably jump less.When I jumped less, obviously the force needs to be produced through the core and the back and the shoulders, so the pubalgia would act up.So the third ball I would be extra side-on to try to use the hips.By the time I was done with six balls, I would be like, ‘I need a break here’.”
The tall off-spinner added that people were not “sensitive enough” when he was passing through that phase and they started doubting his intent and willingness to fight, which hurt him.
“You can brand me anything, you can kick me out, all that is fine, but to doubt my intent or my fight is something that deeply hurt me.I contemplated retirement for a lot of reasons.I felt like people were not sensitive enough to my injuries.
I felt like a lot of people were backed, why not me? I have done no less.I have won a lot of games for the team, and I am not feeling backed.
I don’t usually look for help; that somebody needs to back me; that somebody needs to cushion me or give me empathy.I felt I was not being able to be excellent and felt I needed a shoulder to lean on.It was not happening.”Ashwin said he felt that apathy several times in his career, the first being soon after the England series in 2018, and the only people he could look for support were his wife and father, who was always optimistic that “I will make a comeback”.
“Just after the England series in 2018, after Southampton, was one phase.Again in Australia later that year where I tore my abdomen after the Adelaide Test, before and after Sydney.Many stages (I’ve felt the apathy).The only person I would be talking to was my wife.But my father was hell-bent: you will make a comeback in white-ball cricket, and I will see that before I die.For him it was more personal,” added Ashwin.
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Ashwin suggests several options for retirement between 2018-2020:
You can call me any name, and you can throw me out.But to question my motives or fight for justice is something that hurts me deeply.There were many reasons I considered retiring.It felt that people weren’t sensitive enough to my injuries.It felt as if a lot people supported me, so why didn’t I? It has been nothing less.It has been a great team win and it is not easy to feel supported.
Although I do not usually seek out help, it is important that someone supports me.Someone needs to be there to give me support or to provide empathy.It was clear that I wasn’t capable of being excellent, and I wanted someone to help me.”It wasn’t happening.”Ashwin stated that he experienced that feeling of apathy many times during his career.The first was shortly after the 2018 England series.
His wife, and his father were the only ones he could turn to for help.He always believed that he would make a comeback.
One phase was just after the England series of 2018, following Southampton.Later that year, I was in Australia again.This time it was after the Adelaide Test.I’ve experienced apathy at many stages.My wife was the only one I’d be speaking to.My father, however, was determined: You will be making a comeback at white-ball cricket and that is something I’ll see before my death.Ashwin said that it was personal for him.
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